CRYPTO FUNS

Crypto jokes

1. -Chuck Norris mined all bitcoins…twice.

2. -What’s the difference between Bitcoin and NASA?
-Bitcoin’s actually going to the moon.

3. -Why won’t the government embrace bitcoin?
-They hate the idea of a ‘Proof Of Work’.

4. -How many miners does it take to change a light bulb?
-A million – one to do it and the rest to verify he did it.

5. -Where does an Eskimo keep his Bitcoins?
-In a cold wallet.

6. What’s the difference between an average bitcoin miner and an average
plumber?
An average plumber can at least solve a block.

7. Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Satoshi!
Satoshi who?
😉

8. What is an Irish cryptocurrency investor most worried about?
“Forking Bitcoin!”

Crypto Fun Facts

1. The first known use case of Bitcoin was on May 22 nd 2010 and was used to purchase a Pizza at Papa John’s Pizzas. This is why May 22 nd is known as Bitcoin Pizza day. The cost of the Pizza was 10,000 Bitcoin, which at the time was $41.

2. The inventor of Bitcoin is still a mystery. A few people have come forward to claim they invented Bitcoin, but no one has yet proved it.

3. Bitcoin is not totally untraceable. If someone knows the address of your Bitcoin wallet they can see how much you have and also all transactions that have taken place. It is very difficult to trace, but not impossible.

4. If you lose your Bitcoin private key, you will also lose your Bitcoin. One of the most well known people to have this sadly happen to them is James Howells. He threw away his hard drive containing the private keys and lost 7,500 Bitcoin….ouch!

5. It is estimated that at least 4 Million Bitcoins have been lost forever!

6. There will only ever be 21 Million Bitcoin in existence and we will all be long gone before that happens which will happen in the year 2140.

7. Bitcoin can’t be banned. No one owns it and it is totally decentralised. It can be regulated or banned by governments, but they cannot truly control who buys and sells it in secret.

8. The Bulgarian government once seized nearly 213,519 Bitcoin from a criminal gang.

9. 2013 was the first big Bitcoin acquisition where 126,315 Bitcoin were used to purchase SatoshiDice.

10. The biggest known Bitcoin gambling windfall was by someone called Nakowa, who won 11,000 Bitcoin.

11. Every 4 years the number of Bitcoin rewarded for mining halves. After 64 halvings, all 21 Million Bitcoin will be in circulation.

12. You can go to space paying with Bitcoin. Virgin Galactic accepts Bitcoion to reserve your seat for their space trips in the future.

13. Switzerland accepts taxes in Bitcoin.

14. There are over 2,000 Bitcoin ATM’s worldwide.

15. The country Senegal has a working nation digital currency.

16. In 2010 one Bitcoin cost $0.003 cents.

17. A secret Bitcoin millionaire set up a charity called ‘pineapple fund’ and gave away $86 Million of Bitcoin to charities.

18. Kidnappers in the Ukraine released a Bitcoin analyst after being paid $1 Million in Bitcoin ransom.

19. Bitcoin is often referred to as ‘Digital Gold.’

20. Satoshi Nakamoto still has a Bitcoin wallet with 1 Million bitcoin in it. It has never been touched.

21. The Winklevoss twin’s used a large portion of their ‘Facebook’ settlement money to become one of the largest Bitcoin holders.

22. In March 2017 one Bitcoin become worth more than one ounce of Gold in dollar terms.

23. In 2017 300,000 shops started accepting Bitcoin in Japan.

24. A house for sale in London, Notting Hill was put on the market for 5,050 Bitcoin or £17 Million at the time.

25. There are Visa and Mastercard cards that allow you to load up Bitcoin and spend it similar to a normal credit card.

26. There are a few known Bitcoin Billionaires.

27. The co-founder of Paypal, Peter Thiel owns hundreds of millions of US Dollars in Bitcoin.

Crypto fun Videos

Crypto memes

Crypto poems

1.

Dipping your toe into crypto?

So you want to step into the Wild West of Crypto land…
Fancy giving it a whirl with a couple of grand?
I’ll give you a tip – around here it’s all ‘no pain, no gain’.
That should be your motto when trading blockchains.

The King of crypto, BTC, wears the crown,
and when he’s feeling the burn, they all fall down.
The boss got forked for a couple of bill
and out popped Bitcoin Cash, but he rules on still.

Push the boat out, leave your Coinbase, transfer to an exchange,
Bittrex, Poloniex, Kraken are just some of the range.
Buckle yourself in, your metal is about to tested.
You think you’re a semi-pro trader now? Prepare for that idea to be
egested!

HODL or short. Buy low and sell high.
It all sounds so easy, coins will be piled to the sky!
“I’ll get a yellow Lambo on pre-order and plan my retirement bash.
The landlord’s a good bloke and he’ll wait for the cash.”

Dabble with the alts and you might go to the moon…
Or perhaps they’ll pull your pants down and catch you out as soon
as you enter their world – it can quickly go tits-up!
If you’re looking for a quick buck, you’ll probably have no luck.

Trawl Facebook groups and Twitter feeds for tips on investment:
“Buy Strat you twat! No, Piv(X) ya div! Lisk has low risk of resentment.
Buy ETH and IOTA – they’re on the Verge of being Stellar! That’s my humble assessment.
No, wake up… NEO is the future, giving you a welcome Ripple of Gas and much contentment.

Just know: it’s a strategy game, you’ve gotta have a plan!
Avoid overtrading; invest in good tech for long term.
Most ‘Barry Big Balls’ characters quickly sink and lose nerve
when the candles flash red and form a downward curve.

The emotions kick in! Your tokens go plop!
There’s blood in the streets, perhaps a bubble’s gone pop?
Log in, click and sell in a flash.
The Poloniex-reflex has kicked in again to ‘preserve’ precious cash.

But you’ve bought high and sold low you stupid dildo!
As green returns you decide there’ll be no chance to buy low…
So you go with the flow and log in, click and buy in a flash,
But it plummets once more. A dead cat bounce? A bull trap? A fresh market crash?

You’re navigating whales blind with holes in the side of a rickety boat,
sea sick with cryptosis, you’ll be lucky to float
when the waves come and rock you you’ll feel ill-prepared.
Buy the fear, sell the greed – then you won’t be so scared.

It’s best to read up on stuff… Tune in to the sages.
The’ve been in this game for time and grown wise through the ages.
Omar Crypt0, Suppoman, Boxmining’s Michael (to name just a few)
Twitter’s Wolf and Yoda – ensure the force be with you.

Invest what you’re willing to lose and see it as just fun.

Buy quality for long term, cold store them – job done!
Follow with Blockfolio and Coinmarket Cap, but don’t be antisocial, and mingle,
unless you enjoy microwave meals and want to be single.

And so the decentralised West World of Crypto is open for all.
I hope this has helped you and saved you from a fall.
Take heed of these lessons, don’t make the mistakes I’ve made,
Or you’ll be taking to Steemit to write poetry in hope of being paid!

By Pezlo

2.

I bought in on a low almost 5 days ago
I’ve given in time but it’s moving so slow
The Reddit guy posted were off to the moon
But I’m still bloody waiting, hope it happens real soon
Almost 20 days in and it’s not up a cent.
Put a post on the forum cause a guy’s got to vent
Letting all the noobs know to stay clear of this scam
It’s a con and a rip-off, I’m just warning you man!
So its 30 days now, I can’t take no more
Sold the lot, washed my hands, showed this coin to the door
I could just walk away, lick my wounds, wave goodbye
But I think I’ll post shit, troll the groups, be that guy.
So I lost 7 bucks of my 100 put in
And now I confess that my patience wore thin
But I have a new plan to get my Lamborghini
It consists of a lamp then a rub, puff a smoke then a genie

By footsy1

3.

It's seven o'clock,
Noob is watching a top.
Ha sips his gin,
"Shall I go in?"
"Never buy an all time high!",
he remembers his friend Mai.
But he will not miss this train,
so he doesn't use his brain.
Using reddit as advisor,
REQ and VEN is the nicer!
Noob buys hundreds of coins,
some other friends joins.
Noob thinks he will sleep deep,
but he spots the crypto creep.
A giant creature,
a big anti-sleep mixture!
The next morning,
Noob and friends got huge mourning.
They haven't become rich,
"This f'cking Bitcoin-b'tch!"
In great anger, they shout
"I thought this was the next banger!"
Noob decides to leave crypto,
"But maybe I buy the next dip, tho."

By Unknown

4.

Bitcoin.

Digital currency, the alternative to real cash, decentralized crypto currency,
that can be securely stashed. No need for a bank, no central authority,
worldwide currency exchanges, this means no digital minorities. Encrypted
digital wallets on smart phones and computers, you can by tickets, dinner, or
investigate another dark net user. The first BitCoin purchase was a pizza
pepperoni, the acrimonial cicerone of matrimonial alimony. In other words
the price will be paid for separating from the central authorities, the banks,
the global financial powers and whoever else can afford to BE. Has BitCoin
been tainted by SilkRoad and money laundering schemes, or will the power
of cash and credit cards come under the same scrutiny? Economist wants to
stop the misuse of BitCoin and maximize profits, but there are powers and
other interest who only want to stop it. Paying your taxes with BitCoin may
one day be a reality, the internet of things and the dark net, we are
interconnected by technology.

By Derriziel Pierce

5.

Crypto currency is just an illusion.

THE BANKSTERS LAUGHED WHEN THEY HEARD THE PLAN. THIS PLAYED
RIGHT IN TO THEIR HANDS. DOES CRYPTOCURRENCY EVEN EXIST? IS THIS
SOMETHING I CAN GRIP IN MY FIST? A CASHLESS SOCIETY, A MAGNIFICENT
PLAN. STEAL YOUR EARNINGS BECAUSE THEY CAN. DON'T BUY SILVER
DON'T BUY GOLD. IT'S NOT MONEY THE SHEEPLE WERE TOLD. THE SHEEPLE
RUSHED IN TO BE THE FIRST IN LINE. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. THEY DONE
LOST THEIR MINDS. PAY WITH YOUR PHONE. PAY ONLINE. WITH CRYPTO
CASH YOUR BOUND TO SAVE TIME. BOUND WAS THE WORD. THEY WERE
BOUND FOR SURE. PLAYED LIKE SUCKERS WHO SWALLOWED THE LURE.
THE SHEEPLE WERE HOOKED, THEY HAD NO CHOICE. THE BANKSTERS
PLAN, HAD A GOVERNMENTS VOICE. THEN ONE DAY, IT WAS GONE OVER
NITE. DON'T EVEN CRY FOUL, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT. IT WAS ALL
ELECTRONIC. WITH NO PAPER TRAIL. THE SHEEPLE WERE FORCED INTO
PAYING THE BAIL. WITH A FLIP OF THE SWITCH, THE CRYPTO WAS GONE.
JUST LIKE THE BANKSTERS PLANNED ALL ALONG. TO THE BANKSTERS MY
FRIENDS, WE ARE DEBT SLAVES YET, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.
SILVER BARS YOU CAN GRIP WITH YOUR FIST. SHOW THE BANKSTERS AND
WATCH THEM GET PISSED. SILVER EAGLES ARE LEGAL TENDER. FORCE THE
BANKSTERS TO TAKE NOTE AND SURRENDER.

By Michael E. Harris

6.

A lil crypto poem for ya’all

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you bought crypto in December,
Your portfolio is hurting you,
They told me to HODL,
And that the moon would come soon,
I kept asking, “when lambo?”
They tell me, “next June”
Who can I trust in this crypto sphere,
So many agendas,
All the discord channels posting @here,
Airdrops! Airdrops! Airdrops Galore!
I keep collecting my crypto,
But I always want more,
Oh what will come of this crypto space?
Will we be the next winners?
Or get a slap in the face?
Only time will tell,
So I take my pace,
One step at a time in this crypto race.

By unknown

7.

One Art.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

By Elizabeth Bishop

8.

Cryptocurrency Trading: The How to Poetry Edition

Are you looking for currency that lacks centralization?
There are many great options throughout every nation.
So you’re ready to buy but aren’t sure what to do.
You can start by reading this rhyming walkthrough.
The first thing you’ll need is your own crypto wallet.
Chose an option like Jaxx and begin to install it.
Now get an account with a site like Coinbase.
It’s quite user-friendly, a great starting place.
Next, you’ll need to select the right token for you.
Go to Blockchain WTF for a nice overview.
There is Bitcoin, Ethereum, and even Dash.
You will soon start to see they’re much better than cash.
Invest in just one or do some combining.
When you’ve got it down pat, you can even try mining.
Never invest what you can’t live without.
Start out small if you have any doubt.
Invest what you can it won’t be in vain.
You’ll be glad you’re aboard the cryptocurrency train.

By Jacques Martin

9.

10.

What the common people choose.

Once upon a time ago, I had a vivid dream
Where powers in the government had reached to an extreme,
And corporations wielded such sway upon the land
For they had politicians simply eating from their hand.

But then arose a currency that caught them all off guard,
For they did not produce it and controlling it was hard.
They wanted first to stop it, to ban its legal use,
But the people just ignored them and their asinine abuse.

So then the legal powers across the planet Earth
Decided that this currency had a special worth:
The currency was digital, which meant it could be read
And gave the means for tracking as we bought our daily bread.

But only if they owned it, if it were truly theirs.
Then they'd see in detail our most intimate affairs.
They'd know just what we shopped for, and even when and where.
They'd know what we believed in, they'd know for whom we cared.

And even worse, if worse there was, they'd have complete command
O'er who could spend the money that was given by their hand.
Cause a threat to their control, they'd shut off all your cash
And you'd be forced to beg for food or find it in the trash.

Away they did with dollars then, rolled out their plan for all,
And with their legislative weight they made their legal call:
"Join us cashless. Join us now. Trade in your other coin.
We'll care for you and feed the poor. It's time for you to join."

They said it all with such a smile they had most people heed,
For after all the government provided for their needs.
But others were unsure then; the coin they had was free
From legal interference and the act of bended knee.

The coin held by resisters was apportioned far and wide,
Controlled by no one person; controlled by no one side.
The left, the right, the rich, the poor, each race and gender too,
Could spend as they wished to spend, and do as they wished to do.

The government took action, though, and made it widely known
That only those in terror cells would ever dare to own
A coin not made by government. And so they grew the fear
Among the common people that the enemy was near.

The government began a hunt for all who dared to choose
A coin they did not offer. These terrorists would lose.
But as they started up their hunt, they made a plain mistake:
They chased too many people and shook the rest awake.

And then the population stood all in one big line
With the goal of independence. And a light began to shine.
It shone right down across them all. The government just stared.
It couldn't quite consider that its population dared.

And in this dream I felt a hope I never thought I'd feel,
As if the common people could finally start to heal
From the long abuse of government, and leaders finally could
Support us and protect us, the way that leaders should.

I woke then from this dream of mine and wondered what I'd seen:
Our future, or just wishful thoughts, or something in between.
And as I sit and ponder this, as I sit and muse,
I feel it all comes down to what the common people choose.

By Steve McCardell

11.

Sarah's Crypto Currency Top 10 Countdown Poem

At number ten in crypto dinero,
there's a coin; it's called Monero.
Then at number nine, coming up the stairs,
you meet the crypto called Bitshares.
If you wanna reach your crypto quota,
number eight is called IOTA.
If you fear a crash, and you want a stash,
try number seven. It's called Dash.
If you see the prices going mayhem,
go with six. It's called N-E-M.
If your tension pains, and it's thoracic,
it's safer at five, with E. Classic.
If you sold your coin, and want to rejoin,
number four is a real Litecoin.
But if your hope is to secure triple,
don't fear to invest in Ripple.
If you're in the mood for good tenderloin,
go with the Top Dog, Bitcoin.
There are many crypto's in the current.
Divesting is wise deterrent.
And you can always reinforce with Steem.
Either way, you can live your dream.

By Sarah (Poetrychick)

12.

Are you sick of governments having far too much control?
With the power to print money to fill the debt blackhole.
The power to control you and tell you what to do.
Like Iraq, Afganistan and quantitive easing 2.

The system of control they use to keep you in line
is worthless fiat money and inflation over time.

Who makes all our money and why is it created?
And is it really true it can it be exponentially inflated?

Instead of blaming bankers step up to the plate
take responsibilty for rolling back the state.
They preach about the free market but I think its a fraud
Because I read the evidence at GATA dot org

The power of the internet is an incredible tool
for learning, sharing and trying to look cool.

It’s free from all the bureaucrats and effectively lawless
But look at how amazing it is and all that it has brought us.

Its freedom, efficiency and open source nature
mean alot more possibilties and alot less wasted paper

Open source projects can create an abundance of tools
Faith in status quo is the ignorance of fools

It benefits everyone to push open source further
this poem you are reading is from a linux server

Bitcoin is an open source cryptocurrency
a new type of money in its infancy
Its a little bit hard to get your head around
but it’s already worth more than one british pound

“Bitcoin is a ridiculous idea that couldn’t possibly work.”
You said that 5 years ago about wikipedia you jerk.

By Warplat

13.

O CHRISTMAS BIT.

O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit
Your miners keep on working!
O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit!
Transactions keep on moving!
Not only when the markets soar
But also when the bearwhales roar!
O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit
Your miners keep on working!

O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit
You've seen so much this year!
O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit
The new year is so near!
From IBM to Microsoft,
From BitLicense to old Mt Gox!
O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit!
You've seen so much this year!

O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit
The snow outside, it glistens!
O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit
Put down your coins and listen!
Take time to tell your family
That love is more than wealth can be!
O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit
The snow outside, it glistens!

O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit!
Our song is at an end!
O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit!
This final thought we send:
Do not forget community,
The reasons for our unity!
O Christmas Bit, O Christmas Bit!

By Stan Higgins

14.

"Bitcoin Anthem"

By music8mycomputer

15.

Bitcoin.

Everyday working towards a new way to make money.
Always looking for a better way to live my life.
"Work smart, not hard" says the wise man.
So much schooling and never a career.

What's next for a broke college graduate who dreams of owning a condo?
How could a minimum wage worker afford to live the life he always wanted?
Is it just not in the cards for a smart but underpaid intellectual to become rich?
Was his or her life just a pipe dream of unrelated events that never became reality?

The 21st century offers wealth to more than just overpaid actors and politicians.
It actually offers a myriad of options for people of all ages looking to increase their income.
The nine to five work life will always exist, but it wont get you rich and living the high life you want.
Instead of slaving away at the town's same old factories and plants, now you just sit in front of your laptop.

The exciting new world of cryptocurrency is a booming industry that anyone can be a successful part of.
Whether you have a college degree in art or a Phd in psychology, people with no education can earn as much as you.
Even stock market experts have left their long standing positions in that field for a chance to get in on the crypto rush!
The magic of a blockchain on the internet has made it possible and reliable to put your money into fast return investments.

Bitcoin, Steemit, Golem, Dash, Bitshares, and thousands of others coins are out there waiting to be bought and sold.
It's fast, fun, and easy to become a part of this exciting new money making underworld where dreams can come true.
Read an article online through a search engine about the history of bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies and learn it all!
Whether you just want to escape the 9-5 work life, or your ready to make millions (or billions), invest in cryptocurrency!

By Jamie Smith

16.

‘A bit of money.’

Two thousand and nine
It's the Historic date
Of a changeover sign 
At a very fearful rate
In fact money was traced
In so many many ways
Just in that dark age
In those lethal days
Taste of bitter pills
Everythin' went creepier
Of your coins 'n' bills
You weren't the owner
Banks were very happy
Of this lousy situation
Went always more crappy
People came to desolation
Politicians made merries
With money of taxes
People lived with worries
Gettin' more 'n' more boxes

But out of nowhere he came
By S and N starts his name
Of this genius from Far East
Who wiped away our tears
Without boasting too much
He just changed everything
With his revolutionary touch
And the mastery of coding
His coin brings democracy
Works on every device
Guarantees the best privacy
Using a good mixing service
Now I'm the only owner
Thanks to this revolution
My money is really mine
If I got a bit of coin!

By El Emperador

17.

Bitcoin

Bitcoin it will go mainstream.
The language used created by the geek team.
Free markets will rule once again.
Governments worldwide afraid, amen.
Central reserves no need for their ink.
Media agenda to kick up a stink.
Fake news becomes the order of today.
Bitcoin and Cryptos will be ok.
Hang on for the bumpy ride.
Notwithstanding this, our star is on its rise.
Bitcoin, it will go mainstream.
You and I to be the cats who got the cream.

By Arthur Schopen

18.

Twas the night before Bitcoin Futures, when all through the bourse
Every laptop was stirring, even old ones, run with a mouse;
The piping and collateral agreements were checked with care,
In hopes that Bitcoin Futures soon would be there;

The traders were ready, no thought of seeing their beds,
While visions of ICO’s danced in their heads;
Millennials in hoodies, and I in my cap,
Wondering how they will spoof VWAP.

When out on twitter there arose such a clatter,
I ran to my desk to see what was the matter.
The screens had come alive in a big bright flash,
Was there a way for this to end, without a big crash?

Traders in New York were hampered by snow,
It didn’t matter as algos knew they were too slow,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an e-mini contract, with no margin to fear,

With a little old desktop, but still lively and quick,
I knew in a moment to buy or sell, I must click.
More rapid than eagles, the algo’s trades they came,
And they spivved and they spoofed, knowing humans were lame;

"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!”
Strange names for algos, but they were ablitzen?
“To the top of the stack! to the top of the wall!
Now trade away! trade away! trade away all!"

At speeds so fast, the orders did fly,
No-one to sell, so they all must buy,
So up to the limit the contracts they flew,
With a wallet full of coins, a Winklevoss too.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw a seller spoof,
Before I could react, the offer went poof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
My bid got hit, letting me play another round.

In my basement, freezing from head to foot,
Trading paper profits before they became ashes and soot;
A bundle of sells suddenly at the top of the stack,
All my buys at the mercy of the pack.

Algo servers — how they twinkled! Their owners how merry!
Bitcoin millionaires, drinking Manhattan’s with a cherry!

Their droll little apps strung out in a row,
From one app to another, their fingers did flow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a six pack belly,
To fit into those skinny jeans, he never ate jelly.

He was coiffed and well-groomed and full of himself,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all my order, then turned the market with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He warned me not to mess with the bitcoin bro's

He turned off the algos, to his team gave a whistle,
With enough profits to make a regulator bristle
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
HAPPY BITCOIN FUTURES TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!

By Forbes

19.

"Ho, Ho, Hodl – A Visit From Crypto-Claus": A Blockchain Holiday Poem

’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Every person was trading, including my spouse;
The mining rigs hummed in the cellar with care,
In hopes that some new bitcoins soon would be there;

The children were buying tokens from their beds,
While visions of Porsche Turbos danced in their heads;
And Mama on her laptop, and I on PC
Searched for the next big buying opportunity

But then from my desk there arose such a clatter,
I answered the phone to see what was the matter.
I squinted to see by the light of the taper,
As a teenager walked me through his white paper.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a bearded millennial drinking craft beer
He pulled out his phone, checked his what-do-you-call-it
Where one keeps one’s tokens- his digital wallet.

More rapid than lightning, the rallies they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now Bitcoin! Now Litecoin! Now Ether and Ripple!
If Monero can double, then you can all triple!

To the top of the chart! Break the resistance wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
And then with a wink, to my office he flew
While lugging a case and swigging his brew

As he prepped his ICO pitch to help me gain,
I confirmed a few transactions on the blockchain.
His slide deck was thick; his paper, full of detail
About how he’d attract bids from Asian retail.

His eyes–how they twinkled! So this was no hobby
He clearly knew how to pitch the Watanabes
When I asked if he’d come from the North he said "No.
The coin-mining rigs have all melted the snow.

I leave for the coast on my sleigh in an hour.
My wind-farm provides me with super-cheap power."
What about the Fed? Do you see any trouble?
He laughed, "You know central banks can’t spot a bubble.

The worst they can do is say ’buyer beware.’
It’s like the Wild West… pretty much laissez-faire."
Is there intrinsic value? I mean, what can I buy?
He looked at me sadly and let out a sigh.

Then shaking his head, tapped the side of his nose.
"You mean that you can’t see the Emperor’s new clothes?
You’re not a believer, I can feel in my loins.
C’mon! A chap once bought some pizza with coins.

You know that the ledger, it needs proof of work.
You’re not only a doubter, you’re some kind of jerk.
Your insistence on value is pretty quaint, Gramps.
Stick to trading stocks or maybe collect stamps.

My coin’s not for you, I’ve seen more than enough."
Then he packed up his things and he left in a huff.
But I heard him exclaim as he left, sight unseen:
Happy holidays all, and good luck in ’18!

By Cameron Crise

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